Eighteen

When a baby is born, a mother is born.

18 years ago today, a baby and a mother were born. What a wild ride.

I remember every detail of this day 18 years ago. It's funny considering I don't remember much of anything these days. I remember the first contraction (followed very by the second and third contractions). I remember going to the hospital not fully convinced that this was going to be the big day. Well, joke was on me, I guess. I remember water breaking and epidural placing and the infamous "he is stuck and we need to get him out" conversation that led to me being a c-section Mama. I remember the first cry and officially learning that I was a boy Mama. I remember meeting my little pirate baby (iykyk) and being in awe. I remember the difficult transition to home and becoming a full time Mom. I remember secretly being deep in the throes of PPD, just trying to make sense of all of the newness in my life. I remember the first steps, the first words. I remember them because they changed everything about me. As he learned; I learned. 

Dear Jack,

I can't believe we are here. A newly graduated student turned adult man all in the span of a week. I'm in awe of you. I'm in awe of us. Forever at a loss for "mouth words", I'm writing this in effort to be concise and direct with what I want to tell you. So, if you'll indulge me for a few minutes, I'd be grateful:

1. You were the most amazing baby. I thought all babies were as easy and and slept 12 hours a night. Ha, boy, was I wrong. You spoke early, using full sentences. Your abc's and 123's were easy. As you learned, I learned.

2. Watching Baby Jack become Big Brother Jack was the most amazing experience. As I was struggling juggling my new additions, you held the fort down, enjoying your new best friends. You didn't sweat the small shit like I did. As you learned, I learned.

3. School was hard. 2nd grade was where things got really rough. I remember going into your school, lost, and I was taught how I could help you. As you learned, I learned. 

4. I've watched you grow into different versions of Jack. All different but all very much the same. They've all become who you are today. The smart, anime loving quirky gamer boy, whose taste in music rivals mine for most eclectic. You are sarcastic and have an edge at times, especially when you're making fun of me. You're funny as hell. When you talk about things that excite you, your eyes light up. Never lose that light.  You are destined for greatness, my boy. I just need you to believe in you like I do. In this case, I've learned, now it's your turn.

5. You're technically an adult now. But, always remember that you're forever my first baby. Being a newly minted adult doesn't mean you're expected to know all of the answers or have everything figured out. Please know that I'm always here for you. Never hesitate to ask for help, and never hesitate to call. Life can be hard, but you have a family filled with people who love you and who want what's best for you always. 

6. I dont know what the next chapter of your life will be like. I dont know what my role in that chapter will be. But, you best believe I am here with open arms, open ears and an open heart, ready to help you tackle whatever is in your way.

I always say that the four of you taught me more than I could ever teach you. You, my boy, taught me how to be a Mom. You taught me patience and resilience. You taught me a new type of love that I didn't think existed. I thank you for that. I thank you for the life lessons and I'm looking forward to the future lessons. You've never been 18 before, I've never been the Mom of an 18 year old before. 

As you learn, I will learn. 

Jackaboo, I love you. Yes I do, my Jackaboo. Happy birthday, my boy, my joy.

Then

Now