Alex-3 years old

Ugh.

Three.

I say 'ugh' for a variety of different reasons.

One reason is because I know what 3 brings, and I'm just not sure if I can handle it.  Two gets a lot of attention for being the worst age in toddler-hood.  Well, I'm here to tell you that three is far worse than two.  FAR WORSE.  Jack was terrible at 3.  Emma was worse than him at 3.  Sara was atrocious at 3.  So, in keeping with that pattern, I would assume I'm in for quite a damn treat, because threenagers suck.  Lucky, lucky me.

The biggest reason for the 'ugh', however, is far more sentimental.  See, the little dude has been having some sleep issues, so when he asks me to lay with him in bed, I'm more than happy to oblige.  Tonight, I found myself feverishly sniffing the top of his head, trying to manifest that smell.  If you are a parent, or have ever been in contact with a baby, you know what smell I'm talking about.  But, alas, all I got was a combination of the faint smell of sweet smelling shampoo and 'little boy'.  This, my friends, is not okay with me.  Ugh.  Damn you time for going so quickly.  Damn you years for flying by.  Damn you, damn you, DAMN YOU.

Oh, Alex.  My 'youngest and most precious'.  My Christmas Eve present.  My stomach virus baby.  My littlest love.  I could go on for days about you, and what you're doing and about how you amaze me every day of every week of every year that you've been here.  I could go on for days about how much you've taught me (good and bad), and about how much I've changed because of you (good and bad) and about how much I love our days together.  I could go on for days about your quirks and our struggles, and our ups and our downs.  There just isn't enough time in the day to fully explain all of it.

I will say that you are the perfect completion to this family.  The exact 4th baby that I wanted.  You melt me.  You push my buttons.  You have forced me to re-evaluate myself, not only as a parent, but as a person.  I thank you for that, because I think that, finally, at this point in time, I'm the Mom--the person--that I'm supposed to be.  And, yes, that's because of you.  Life isn't always sunshine and butterflies, and I'll never pretend that it is, because that's not real life.  But, life is always full of lessons and smiles and love, even on the bad days, and it's because of you (and the others, of course) that I can see that. So thank you for that.

When I found out that I was pregnant for the fourth time in 5 years, I was less than pleased.  But, when I met you, under the crazy circumstances that I met you, I felt whole. Complete.  So. In. Love.  So, thank you for that, as well.

You love to love.  You love to cuddle.  You are Daddy's buddy, through and through.  You love all things that a little boy is apparently supposed to love...trucks, cars, dirt, tools.  You love to play dress up, and carry a purse and have your toenails painted.  You love to play with baby dolls, and dinosaurs.  Barbies and building blocks.  You've had stitches and surgery.  Food allergies and skin issues.  You're nearly as tall as your 4.5 year old sister and weigh more.  You're solid muscle.  A bull in a china shop.  You have no fear.  You. Never. Stop. Moving.  You love to eat and are always up for trying new foods.  You love Paw Patrol. You love to be naked.  You were my second youngest kid to potty-train.  You're so. flipping. smart.  The things that come out of your mouth surprise and amaze me.  You think you're a puppy.  You're funny.  You love to laugh.  You love Jack.  You love Emma.  You're obsessed with Sara.  Gus is your best friend and you tell him that at least 6 times a day...which is almost as much as you tell me that you 'luff' me.  

All of these things listed do not begin to even scratch the surface of you, Al.  I told you that I could go on and on and I meant it.  You are just that complex and that special and words can't accurately describe all that is Alex Michael.  

Al, I hope you always know how much I love you and how much you mean to all of us.  I hope your birthday is always a special day for you, as I vow to always make it about YOU and not about the 'other' big even that happens at this time every year.  I hope, that by the time you read this, that you have many years of great memories of special birthdays.  I know that, by the time you read this, I'll have many more years of great memories of our special days.

I luff you, Alex.  I luff you to the moon and back.  Always, ALWAYS remember that.

Then

Then

Now

Now

And I thank you for choosing me
To come through unto life to be
A beautiful reflection of his grace
See I know that a gift so great
Is only one God could create
And I'm reminded every time I see your face